Love this! Cannot understand why people have an idea that being married would solve all your problems! (Or being thin, for that matter...) Don't know if you've seen the show 'Shrill'? (It's also a book). It was the best thing I watched last year and although it's a comedy, it really made me questioj my own attitides to people's size and whether someone is healthy or not.
Love Aubrey Gordon so much — she helped me tear down my own internalized fatphobia, even against myself, and I'm constantly learning from her. And I wish society saw all families as that — families, no matter the number or makeup of number of parents and/or children, whether it's a widow and a child or a couple with no child or even a single person — they all are families and there shouldn't be one right way to do it.
Yes, she’s amazing. I also admire Virginia Sole Smith’s anti-diet podcast/newsletter, Burnt Toast. It sounds silly but I feel so free of all this stuff around “ideal shapes” now, for both bodies and families. I’ve wasted so much time feeling bad about not being either and I’m just so done with that!
Well this one was just brimming with good sense. Your parallel between how society views fatness and single parenting is interesting and I am cheering loudly for policies that support all people and children not just the idea of family that had its moment in the middle of the last century. Ditto when it comes to breaking away from our assumptions and unexamined biases.
I was a divorced single mother who had a child before my 19th birthday. I spent a lot of time trying to "get out in front" of these assumptions and biases before others had a chance to shape a view of me and my son that was not accurate. It was especially challenging when we relocated from a small town where everyone knew us to suburban New Jersey where coupledom was the norm as well as a certain level of income that was always higher than mine.
Coupledom is definitely the norm in my neighbourhood, and parts of it are quite ritzy. There are definitely things I can’t afford/just can’t logistically manage that are just part of everyday life for some kids of my daughter’s’ acquaintance - multiple extracurriculars, annual resort vacations, lululemon tracksuits in a rainbow of colours - so I can definitely relate to that defensive feeling, living here on my own with them and feeling like I no longer belong, or even want to belong, here. But I’m 43! I’m one of the “old” moms in our elementary school community, lol. I can’t imagine being one of the youngest. I’m sure “challenging” is a vast understatement!
Thank you, Courtney! I’m blushing :) And also hoping to be in the same place you are, someday, though my kids are still very far from adulthood. I love Maintenance Phase. I just discovered it earlier this year and have already listened to most of the archive. It’s both eye-opening and hugely entertaining.
Love this! Cannot understand why people have an idea that being married would solve all your problems! (Or being thin, for that matter...) Don't know if you've seen the show 'Shrill'? (It's also a book). It was the best thing I watched last year and although it's a comedy, it really made me questioj my own attitides to people's size and whether someone is healthy or not.
Thanks, Kate! I have not seen or read Shrill but it sounds right up my alley :)
Love Aubrey Gordon so much — she helped me tear down my own internalized fatphobia, even against myself, and I'm constantly learning from her. And I wish society saw all families as that — families, no matter the number or makeup of number of parents and/or children, whether it's a widow and a child or a couple with no child or even a single person — they all are families and there shouldn't be one right way to do it.
Yes, she’s amazing. I also admire Virginia Sole Smith’s anti-diet podcast/newsletter, Burnt Toast. It sounds silly but I feel so free of all this stuff around “ideal shapes” now, for both bodies and families. I’ve wasted so much time feeling bad about not being either and I’m just so done with that!
Well this one was just brimming with good sense. Your parallel between how society views fatness and single parenting is interesting and I am cheering loudly for policies that support all people and children not just the idea of family that had its moment in the middle of the last century. Ditto when it comes to breaking away from our assumptions and unexamined biases.
I was a divorced single mother who had a child before my 19th birthday. I spent a lot of time trying to "get out in front" of these assumptions and biases before others had a chance to shape a view of me and my son that was not accurate. It was especially challenging when we relocated from a small town where everyone knew us to suburban New Jersey where coupledom was the norm as well as a certain level of income that was always higher than mine.
Thanks for this post, Rosalynn!
I want to read Aubrey Gordon's book.
Coupledom is definitely the norm in my neighbourhood, and parts of it are quite ritzy. There are definitely things I can’t afford/just can’t logistically manage that are just part of everyday life for some kids of my daughter’s’ acquaintance - multiple extracurriculars, annual resort vacations, lululemon tracksuits in a rainbow of colours - so I can definitely relate to that defensive feeling, living here on my own with them and feeling like I no longer belong, or even want to belong, here. But I’m 43! I’m one of the “old” moms in our elementary school community, lol. I can’t imagine being one of the youngest. I’m sure “challenging” is a vast understatement!
Thank you, Courtney! I’m blushing :) And also hoping to be in the same place you are, someday, though my kids are still very far from adulthood. I love Maintenance Phase. I just discovered it earlier this year and have already listened to most of the archive. It’s both eye-opening and hugely entertaining.